I have been with you for some 30 years now but today was the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. It was 1986 when we first got together and I loved your new DOS v3.2. It felt as though my computer was coming to life and you continued to entice me with new releases throughout the 80’s. As we moved into the 90’s you astounded me with Windows 3.0 and then 3.1. After that you developed fast and you achieved an exciting level of success.
But the success went to your head. You became fat, bloated, lazy and slow; your software following in the same direction. Why did you work late into the evening wasting all that effort building a Flight Simulator into Excel 97? You should have been making things fast, simple and robust.
After this it was all downhill. You became irritating and arrogant. You stated to think you could throw your weight about and force others to change. You redeveloped the interface to MS Office and sat back to watch smugly as people around the world struggled to find essential features that were once in an easy to use menu.
When I last upgraded my PC I found that your Windows 7 software would only allow me to use a fraction of its power and you forced me to buy Windows 8. But what had you done, you had redesigned everything yet again so that I couldn’t find what I needed. You then enticed me with Windows 8.1, promising an improved experience. What awaited though me was the removal of a drive partition, the loss of important work and the remapping of all my disk drives. I’m sure you were punishing me for thinking about Apple.
And now Windows 10. I thought we had gotten past all our problems and were on the sound foundation you had promised me. But there is a niggle, those system drivers and constant updates you keep giving me are crashing my computer. My keyboard continues to randomly lose keystrokes whilst your spell checker re-writes my work in the background. All our laptops have issues. I have lost count of how many hours I have wasted trying to fix the damage and make this relationship work.
Today was the final straw in this long relationship. You saw fit to download one of your updates to a laptop which wrecked it completely. Nothing would work and half the files had vanished. I’m sure this was just another mistake and that you hadn’t intended the damage. You even sent over your little “Windows Update Helper” which popped up and helpfully proclaimed the laptop needed a complete reinstall of Windows.
The red mist descended over me as I envisaged hours of work in front of me to fix the problems.
So I want you to know that I went to the Apple Store where I found a very helpful man who sold me a MacBook Pro. It was a wonderful customer experience (you should try it). If this trial separation works, I’m leaving you for good.
Here’s to a retina future and better photography.